In Antarctica, No One Can Hear You Moan

here is a story that is both charming and RELEVANT (national AIDS VIRUS month, you guys): Antarctica Base Gets 16,500 Condoms Before Darkness.

no big deal, right? just another boring story about lonely scientists smashing their (protected, well-lubricated) gentials against each other, in the darkness. zzzzzzzzzz

that’s what i thought too, until i reached this line:

The base only has a skeleton staff through the long winter

whoops! now you have my attention! all of a sudden this is the sexiest article i’ve read all day. now i have a very fertile, very sexy imagination, so i have no problem visualizing this undead, erotic madness…but i realize that you babies are still developing and have problems understanding shapes and colors, so here’s a little help:

When Did Coyotes Stop Being Scary and Start Getting Sexy?

If I made love to a coyote in an alley last night and nobody heard…Does that mean it happened? Of course it did…And I have the bite marks to prove it! Just kidding…She was very gentle and VERY respectful with my body.

You see…Susan understands me like no one has ever before. She knows that just because I begin crying hysterically immediately after we make love, I am not sad. I just get very emotional and worried that there will be a separate heaven for humans and coyotes so we might not be together FOREVER.

Now some of you may be slightly confused, or perhaps even disgusted by this terrifyingly BEAUTIFUL union…Others may be too busy creaming their jeans over the very idea of it. For the curious, allow me to explain how it all began: